Socializing children: April 26, 1999 issue of New Thinking

April 26, 1999 New Thinking:
Socializing children

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April 26, 1999

Socializing children

By Gerry McGovern

A primary and fundamental responsibility of the parent, and by extension, society, is to socialize children. Children are not born with ‘original sin’, nor are they born with original sense or social skills.

Society is about a large group of human beings living physically close together in a civilized manner. Being civilized means respecting the space of others and that invariably requires a degree of sacrifice.

A young baby starts to immediately cry out if they are hungry. The longer they are left to wait the more anguished they become. They cannot understand why their needs are not met immediately. They are very much the centre of their world and cannot even comprehend that there are needs other than their own.

As a baby grows into childhood, they learn some difficult lessons. They learn that they cannot have everything their own way. They learn manners: to ask for something politely and to say ‘thank you’. Gradually, they learn that you don’t get everything handed to you on a plate; that you need to wash the plate afterwards and in time work for the food that is on the plate.

Parents, teachers and other members of society are there to train and guide children as they grow and nurture them into civilized and socialized adults. The horrific events that occurred in Denver in the last week would seem to indicate that in the digital age, the socialization of children is facing severe challenges.

In so much as one should not lay blame easily, one should not either shirk from allocating blame where blame is appropriate. As a parent, I know that if my child grew up to be a mass-murderer, I would feel tremendous shame and guilt. I know too that I would deserve to be blamed.

You see, I am the quintessential information worker; working long hours, always learning new things, often on the road, not too often at home. I have no choice, of course. I must work these long hours because I have a standard of living to maintain for myself and my family. And secretly, you know, I enjoy the thrill of the next new challenge. Secretly, I am an information warrior, battling my way to the top.

Of course, I love my children more than anything else in the world. Well, almost. If love were to be measured by the time spent with anything, then I surely love my work more. Occasionally, I fool myself into believing that I can buy love. A box of chocolates, a new toy, a new pair of runners.

If we as parents can’t find the time to spend with our children, giving them the love that only time and time alone can give, teaching them the social skills that time and human interaction can only teach, then, child by child, we strip society away.

If we want a decent society we should start by teaching our children how to be decent. If parents and society doesn’t have the time to spend with children to teach them such values, then we will all in time pay the price.

Gerry McGovern

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If we want a decent society we should start by teaching our children how to be decent.